“Instant Relationship Guy” – Creepy or Romantic?

26 Sep

By now, everyone has heard about this dude.  Apparently he met his one true love in a pub in Ireland two years ago and now he is going back to Ireland to find her.

Having spent many years on the internet dating scene, I feel I’ve met this guy before.  He is “Instant Relationship Guy.”  Instant Relationship Guy thinks you’re awesome, in fact he thinks you are PERFECT! He’ll tell you so upon first meeting you, if he hasn’t already declared it during your initial phone conversation.

Here’s the thing, I know I’m a great catch (ask the hubby), but there is NO WAY to know how great I am upon first meeting me. I mean, you can get a pretty good idea (I’m pretty funny, and don’t have a hunchback – both pluses) but I’m definitely not perfect.

When a guy declares that you’re perfect upon first meeting you, your five-alarm bells should signal something is off.  Because nobody is perfect.  NOBODY.  This guy is not looking for a girlfriend, he is looking for a an archetype.  Someone to fit into his idea of what a woman is/should be.  Sooner or later, when he finds out about your previous marriage (floozy), your love for all things Real Housewives (shallow), or your hatred of Nickelback (completely reasonable) he will move on since you’ve let him down.  Your perfection will splinter, shatter and then slowly fall away revealing the real, flawed you.

Real love involves loving the flaws.  And that only comes through time.  Instant Relationship Guy gets off the honeymoon phase, where everything is rainbows and gum drops and ooey gooey feelings.  When shit starts getting real?  He’s out.  And back on Match.com, chasing that friggin unicorn:  The Perfect Woman.  Not you.

This is my biggest problem with modern day romances, be it novels or movies.  My biggest issue with Twilight was that Edward was obsessed with Bella for no damn reason.  She smelled good, but was a horrible person.  Also he followed her everywhere, he was a stalker.  And girls everwhere swooned because he loved her so much.  Barf.  (Also, if a guy ever breaks into your house to watch you sleep, please call the police. Do not swoon and write about it in your diary.  Unless you are planning on leaving evidence behind for the police to find your killer).

So I wish this guy well. I mean, I want people to fall in love.  Being in love is WONDERFUL and every day is a better day because my hubby is in it.  But we took a while getting there.  Not an extremely long time (he proposed officially six months after we met) but he NEVER called me perfect.  He knew better.  Now he really knows how imperfect I am, and loves me because of it, not in spite of it.

I do have a sneaking suspicion though, that this gentleman who flew across the pond to find his magical leprechaun love is pulling a fast one on all of us.  Perhaps he just invented the greatest pick up line of all time.  He’s the guy on that magical quest to find his elusive lost love.  Think of how great that line will go over at a bar full of sleazy dirtbags.  This guy has found the perfect line to get a woman’s attention – he just wants to find “the one.”

I have a feeling somewhere, Barney Stinson is saying “Challenge Accepted!” and catching a plane to Dublin.



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