Tourist Attraction

29 Aug

When people think of Miami, they think of the following:  Crocket and his alligator, Art Deco, cocaine, thongs, Pit Bull, beaches, palm trees, fruity drinks with umbrellas, fancy cars, South Beach.  In short – it’s a gorgeous, sunny paradise full of perky butts, cold drinks, rollerblades and beaches.  And some of that is  verytrue.

But I work in a very different part of Miami, the part of Miami where work gets done.  Where the streets smell of urine and weed.  Where people get arrested.

Yesterday morning on my way in to work, I was groggily sipping my coffee at a stoplight, contemplating how I was going to change lanes once the light turned green, when I noticed up ahead – right past the light – a police cruiser pulled up onto the curb.  Tires screeching and blue lights flashing. 

Ooooh!   Now my interest was piqued!  What, praytell, is happening?  And how the HELL am I going to get around this police car so I can get to work.

The light changed, and of course nobody lets me change lanes to get around the police car, but the show has just started. 

Because another police car pulls up and that’s when I see it.  A man, with his pants around his ankles, is the cause of all this commotion.  He’s jumping up and down, squatting, bending over and then jumping up and down again.  Like a strange, real-life .gif.  Just repeating the same motions over and over again. 

And as I’m sitting there watching him, I have the following inner dialogue with  myself:

 Ohmygod! Is he wearing underwear?

Well if he’s not, I don’t want to SEE that!

But is he?

Why do I care?

I don’t care, but I bet he’s not even wearing underwear.

Oh dear god, please don’t let me see peen this early the morning!

Is that his peen?

Why WHY is he doing that?

Does he have to poop?

OHMYGOD WHAT IF HE POOPS and I see it!

I don’t want to see poop!

What a crazy story that would be, if he took a big dump right now.

It’s right about here, where the fear of the poop sighting has set in, that I see the officers emerge from their vehicles.  They’re snapping on blue latex gloves and then all I can think,

 “Officers, those gloves are not enough.   Definitely, not gonna be enough.”

 

 

 

 

 

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One Response to “Tourist Attraction”

  1. Elena August 29, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    I love your morning experiences! Lol
    Miami a colorful and poopy place !

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